Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
