He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
