it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
