no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
