either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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