Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it was like eating out sand paper
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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