come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
