I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
