if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
