roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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