summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
