Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
