if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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