i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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