I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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