I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
