false alarm. still invincible.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
