honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
