oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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