Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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