I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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