Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
