..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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