I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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