id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
