Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
