Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
