just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
