I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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