I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
