This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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