"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
