I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
