I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
