I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
