Swine flu is the new snow day.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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