I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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