jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
