he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
