Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
