My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
