whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
