Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's not a walk of shame if you run
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
