I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
