the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
