margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that's an acceptable place to lick
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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