i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
