you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Holy shit dude........stairs
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