she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to sanitize my soul.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
