If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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