no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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